A funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre

[Glenn]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Maybe this will become the definitive thread for jokes about and at the expense of accordions and their honest, hard-working players.
Help me out by assembling so many jokes and whitty comments that this forum thread becomes the inspiration for top flight comedians for years to come and that we all get, deservedly, an OBE (or your local equivalent).
Have I made myself clear? :?:
I would start, but I will leave that honour to you.

 

[mjh]

Theres a hilarious New York Times article from 1885 titled A Noble Act. Its a short pdf file. It begins thusly: Not long ago a young man was on his way home at a late hour in the evening carrying an accordion. He was met by three public-spirited young men, who at a glance recognized him as an habitual and reckless accordion player.

 

[smdc66]

the three notes (c major,f major and g minor) popped into a local bar on the way, but only c and f was able to buy a drink as they dont serve minors.....

boom,boom,

 

[jarvo]

Q: If you threw a set of bagpipes...an accordion....and a banjo off the top of The Empire State Building which would hit the ground first ?

A: Who cares,it's a great idea ,just do it !

 

[Soulsaver]

What do you call a large bonfire of accordions?

A start.

 

[Soulsaver]

A GENTLEMAN knows how to play the accordion... but doesn't.

 

[Anyanka]

Q: What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

Q:Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?
A:Terrorists have sympathizers

 

[Theo]

Q What's the difference between a road kill hedgehog and a road kill accordion?

A There are skid marks by the hedgehog.

Q What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A Nobody cries when you cut up an accordion.

 

[Theo]

A short-sighted musician goes into an instrument shop. He wanders round for a bit then approaches an assistant.

Musician: "I'd like to buy that red trumpet by the door, and the white accordion under the window please?"

Assistant: "Well I suppose we can sell you the fire extinguisher if you really insist, but there is no way you're taking the radiator"

 

[smdc66]

Q. What's the difference between an accordion and a macaw?

A. One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.

 

[Adam-T]

What`s the Difference between Accordionists and Polo mints ?

People Like Polo

 

[Soulsaver]

A man parks his car in a rough part of town with two accordions on the back seat, forgetting to lock the back door.
When he returns, there are three accordions.

 

[BobM]

Q. What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A. You cry when you cut an onion up. Arff Arff..

 

[donn]

Well, that's a rather foreshortened account of the "man leaves accordion in car" joke. It's fine, since we've all heard it (ever heard the joke about old jokes, where these old guys have assigned numbers to all the old jokes and just call them out by number - and then all fall out of their seats laughing?) But the point of the joke is to make the listeners assume he's worried about losing his accordion, and then spring the notion on them that when an accordion is left unattended in a car, people are apt to bring more accordions and pitch them in there along with it.

... man has met his friend for lunch [whatever], but they've barely started eating, when he jumps up and exclaims: "Oh, no! I've left my accordion in my car, and the window was rolled down!" He bolts from the restaurant, his friend with him [hm, either change the venue or explain that it's a fast food place where they've paid already], but as they draw near to the car, he says "We're too late. Now there's two of them."

 

[Soulsaver]

There isn't one posted up yet I heven't heard, or a variation off it.

Anyanka's perfect pitch I heard as throwing an accordion in the toilet without it touching the sides..
And further in my defence (although not a particularly good defence either) - I was thinking this thread had 'dried' & needed 'bumping' but I didnt forshorten the joke - I saw it elsewhere on web and in a fit of idleness just cut and pasted it.

I agree Donn it would be better if told longer & properly - I feel suitably admonished for not putting in the effort .

There is an age you get to when jokes tend to be funny if they're topical - they're hardly ever original.

I could do a good number of horse-meat-in-burger jokes...
Have you noticed that 'hamburgers' is an anagram of Shergar Bum? :shock:

 

[donn]

Anyankas perfect pitch I heard as throwing an accordion in the toilet without it touching the sides.

Thats not bad.

I could do a good number of horse-meat-in-burger jokes...
Have you noticed that hamburger is an anagram of Shergar Bum? :shock:

Eh?

OK, with some research I believe I get it. Ha ha! This joke is triple cursed over here: we havent (so far as anyone knows) had a horsemeat substitution problem, we were oblivious to the Shergar story (at least I sure was), and bum is a vagrant. Most people are aware of and may themselves use it in this English sense, so it isnt an obstacle to understanding, but it tends to carry a cute/quaint feel probably more than over there.

 

[Anyanka]

That old saying by George Bernard (or possibly Oscar) applies once again, re two nations divided by a common language!
The other problem with the Shergar Bum anagram being that it needs to be 'hamburgers'.

 

[jarvo]

That old saying by George Bernard (or possibly Oscar) applies once again, re two nations divided by a common language!
The other problem with the Shergar Bum anagram being that it needs to be 'hamburgers'.

Which is what the original wrote.....hamburgers.....you are bored and crotchety aren't you :?: ....how's the shoulder :tdown: :tup:

.....and as for Schunkelmusic.....when I lived in Germany early to mid seventies I used to see this on the old ZDF and used to cringe in horror at the almost mechanical maniacal enthusiasm being radiated.....but I got three LPs called Volkstumliche Weiss'n,Das Grosse Weis'n Fass and Abteilung Marsch................the latter being German military band music, so I could hear some great music and tunes without the depressive joyfulness of (what I now know to be called)Schunkelmusik Shauen or similar.................................... :lol: :b ..........but I get all anxious at Morris Dancers as well........I want to run away......my bad {}

 

[donn]

Which is what the original wrote.

When puzzling over something like this, if the original bears a `last edit time stamp, that can be a clue that unravels the mystery.

 

[Soulsaver]

Which is what the original wrote.

When puzzling over something like this, if the original bears a `last edit time stamp, that can be a clue that unravels the mystery.[/quote]

Yup - but it was before Anyankas comment....so not quite unravelled - I noticed my error in your quote, Donn