Hah! Agree completely!
I had an exact transcription of Gone with the Wind and I put a couple days into it and then, nope! You're right about the 5-finger glissando chords in rapid succession and then extremely technical speed runs. I slowed down as much as I could and never had even the first few bars sounding evensremotely like Art.
Even on this forum you'll see very nice renditions of Frank Marocco, Gary Dahl compositions, Galla-rini, and so on. But I don't think I've ever seen a forum member perform a transcription of an Art Van Damme song - at full tempo!